Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
