he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
