This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
