She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize