Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
