Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
