So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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