Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
