I am midnight drunk by noon
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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