you would pick up someone in the library
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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