o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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