somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
