No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
