I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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