omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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