you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
