I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
