bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
