I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
