At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i now understand why vodka
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
