his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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