he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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