thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
