remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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