im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
