mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
