I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
