I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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