i permit you to call me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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