Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
