Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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