worst night to have a conscience
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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