that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
do nipples grow back?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize