don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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