you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
