By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
