Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize