i may or may not be watching the land before time
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
