i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
