I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
