"it" just moved
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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