my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
