i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
