so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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