if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
