I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
