it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
These tits shall not be calmed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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