we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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