god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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