He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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