So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
