Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
