"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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