just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
