my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
