so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
