i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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