I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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