So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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