I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
