It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
