Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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