Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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