Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
