I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
