I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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