Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
