You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
