I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
