Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
