ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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