you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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