I want to walk on stilts...naked
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
